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The first semester of university is almost upon us. Now whether you’re a fresher, or returning student the excitement, naivety and new found bank balance is at an all time high. In a bid to be the most sociable, productive and hard-working university student you possibly can be, you start the year in many ways. BUT – by the December break, you’ll soon be broke, knackered and a little bit boring. Here are 6 things you’ll only EVER do in first semester..


1) Going on a fancy dress/themed night out

One thing that will only ever get accomplished in the first semester is attending the money draining, paint smudging fad that is fancy dress nights out. Whether it’s a Zoo, White, Disney or Back to School party – by December you’ll have soon realised that those initial

“Haha, you look good..”

comments you receive when you first see your pals, really wasn’t worth the £15 body paint set and ruining a perfectly good white T-Shirt. Granted, it’s loads of fun getting with a giraffe, but it’ll only ever be enjoyed in semester 1.


2) Attending 9am lectures

This applies immensely for freshers, around 60% for second, and then not at all for third years – but the sentiment remains; new year, new you. You rock up to that first 9am lecture at 8:45, armed with a brand new biro and a rejuvenated yearn for knowledge. With caffeine in your veins and naivety in your hearts, you believe that this is the year you become the productive, intelligent university student your parents dream of. This lasts for around 3 weeks, before you realise that morning people are descendants of the devil, no coffee in the world is strong enough, and you lost your biro on the third day.


3) Being a culinary genius

The new semester means new found independence. And one staple of living on your own, is cooking for yourself. Its the sign of a truly successful adult. So with this in mind, the first semester is often filled with a fantastically diverse, varied, attractive diet. Your fridge is bursting with fresh produce, Jamie’s 15 Minute Meals is your new Bible, and everyday you cook as if John Torode and Gregg Wallace are watching with eager eyes. This is all great, until you hit late October, you’re fast running out of ANY money and the 4 for £2 SuperNoodle deals look way too appetising. Bon appetite. 


4) Doing a ‘Perfect Week’

Your a university student now. That means one thing and one thing only; you live for the sesh (or thats what you want people to think). With this in mind, there’s only one goal for first semester, and thats to enjoy a ‘Perfect Week’, which of course means going out every night. You and your pals may successfully partake in one during first semester, and bravo for doing so, because it takes a lot of energy, and even more money. The Christmas break however is a strange creature. Like a time warp, come January, you’ll have aged 30 years and the idea of ANYTHING so fun and lively will seem vomit-inducing. And anyway, you got a new box set for Christmas..


5) Respecting boundaries

This one is especially directed towards you freshers. The first semester with your new flatmates, naturally, begins with tentative steps, and a healthy respect for personal boundaries. Kitchen items are only used by their respective owners, bedroom doors remain shut and you usually sleep alone. After all you don’t want to come off weird. Fast forward a semester and you’ll be spooning in bed, using whoever’s cutlery is in sight, trading skin cream and shitting with the door open. Yes you’re weird, but so is everyone else.


6) Maintaining a healthy level of hygiene

“Ooh you’ll never keep your room clean” is a comment every student will hear from their parents thousands of times over the summer, and you’re desperate to prove them wrong. In the first week’s shopping trip you make a bee line for the cleaning products, stock up on all the Mr Muscle, Flash and Dettol a tenner can buy and you get to work proving you can keep a home even Kim and Aggie would be proud of.

Unfortunately though, cleaning product eventually runs out. As does energy, and motivation, and cares. By semester 2, the dishes remain crusty, the dust keeps building, and your bed sheets are so old, if you listen carefully, you can just about hear them breathe.


 

There we have it kids, 6 things we can almost guarantee will only ever happen in first semester. So enjoy it; go out far too much, attend those early morning lectures and eat like a king. Because by semester 2 you’re a skint 53 year old who can’t be arsed to leave their shithole of a home for fear they’ll stumble into a lecture.

What a time to be alive.

@BillyTruswell