Relationships are not my forte. I don’t really speak about them, think about them or care about
them at least not until recently. I always thought that I was a bit strange being a teenage girl who
didn’t tweet about what I want ‘my man’ to do, my relationship goals and the things that annoy me
about guys, because I just didn’t care. Guys were not a major part of my life, and although I love
them it wasn’t to the extent that they consumed my thoughts or my TL. I had the mentality
‘vaginas before boys that give you angina’ because I’m not down for letting any boy stress me out.
But my goodness, do they consume many other people’s timelines. From the comments ‘Nigerian
boys are demons’ (I really want this to be untrue) to ‘Start praying for your spouse now’ there is
always a point in the day where the topic of relationships seem to be on everyone’s minds. I may
giggle at a post or two but I couldn’t understand why it was such a deep issue for so many people.
yes yes pic.twitter.com/Vk0hIijpRu
— Relationships (@RELATlONSHlP) 7 August 2016
What makes me happy 😊😊 pic.twitter.com/VGCmhZbysW
— Perfect Relationship (@JustReIatabIe) 7 August 2016
Over the past few weeks I have come to two realisations:
1) Some people have an unhealthy obsession with relationships
2) Relationships are very important
Some people have unhealthy obsessions with relationships
You don’t need to be with anyone. You’re young, you have time and it’s not by force. The ‘I need a
bae’ mentality is something that needs to go in the bin. However, I completely understand why it
exists. We live in a society where you have access to people’s ‘relationships’ at the click of a
button. And I say ‘relationships’ because as much as people may look happy and connected on
Snapchat or Instagram, no one knows what their relationship is really like. Even though deep
down you know that, you can feel excluded, or less worthy when ‘everyone’ seems to be in a
relationship but you. Truth is, a lot of people are Netflix and chilling with some Ben and Jerry’s
right now and that’s ok. You’re young; work on yourself, go out, find your passions, get close with
your family, make close friendships. If you’re a Christian, get close to God. This is a ‘selfish’ time,
selfish in the sense that you have no obligation towards anyone, so you can really work to be the
best version of yourself and then find a compatible boo.
Relationships are very important
This was the big realisation to me. As much as I am down for being the ‘strong, independent
woman’ relationships are very important. Learning how to love and appreciate people and
understand that ‘no man is an Island’ is vital. My main aversion towards relationships was
codependency. I love people, which is both a blessing and a bit crap sometimes, but I am very
against feeling that I have to be with someone in order to feel whole. This is the thing that I saw in
some relationships between people my age and older that made relationships seem like an
Additionally the effort and time that seemed to come with having a boyfriend did not appeal to me.
Overtime however I have realised that there are exceptions to my ‘vagina’s before boys that give
you angina’ rule. It is possible to have a relationship with a guy that is relatively angina free. And
also, everything worth having requires time and effort, so we can’t ignore or rush the process.
I think relationships are beautiful. When people who are compatible come together it is enough to
bring a tear to your eye. But as a young person as much as you may crave the ‘perfect
relationship’ understand that you don’t need someone else to make you whole. Your value
shouldn’t be based on how many people are sliding into your DMs or batting their eyelashes at
you. You’re a whole person with or without a bae.
We need to cultivate a culture that cares about wholesome relationships as opposed to
meaningless picturesque companions that get us a few likes on Instagram. I’m no expert but you
shouldn’t be in a relationship so people can envy you or so you feel important. You are important
on your own, your boyfriend or girlfriend wasn’t hanging about with you in the womb so you can
deal with chilling on your larry from time to time.
Relationships should be treated with care. You don’t have to be so desperate that you let anyone
enter your life. Value yourself enough to know that whoever you let be a big part of your life
should add value to you and not give you stress or make you feel bad. If marriage is your ultimate
goal pray about your future spouse, set standards for what you want from your relationships, and
work on yourself, set standards and goals for yourself. It’s not all about having a girl who can
cook, clean, give you a litter of children and provide good banter while she’s at it what are you
planning to contribute to the relationship?
Like I said, relationships as a topic are not really my forte but I’m not antirelationship at all.
Human connection is a magical thing, but there’s no rush to force it. Your social media doesn’t
have to be an advert for how great of a wife or husband you’d be, just have fun and chill out. One
day a bae will fly your way and you’ll thank me for all the rubbish you avoided while you Netflix
and chilled with Ben and Jerry’s instead of going baehunting.
Keep Smiling and Slaying