Relationships are not my forte. I don’t really speak about them, think about them or care about

them at least not until recently. I always thought that I was a bit strange being a teenage girl who

didn’t tweet about what I want ‘my man’ to do, my relationship goals and the things that annoy me

about guys, because I just didn’t care. Guys were not a major part of my life, and although I love

them it wasn’t to the extent that they consumed my thoughts or my TL. I had the mentality

‘vaginas before boys that give you angina’ because I’m not down for letting any boy stress me out.

But my goodness, do they consume many other people’s timelines. From the comments ‘Nigerian

boys are demons’ (I really want this to be untrue) to ‘Start praying for your spouse now’ there is

always a point in the day where the topic of relationships seem to be on everyone’s minds. I may

giggle at a post or two but I couldn’t understand why it was such a deep issue for so many people.



Over the past few weeks I have come to two realisations:

1) Some people have an unhealthy obsession with relationships

2) Relationships are very important


Some people have unhealthy obsessions with relationships

You don’t need to be with anyone. You’re young, you have time and it’s not by force. The ‘I need a

bae’ mentality is something that needs to go in the bin. However, I completely understand why it

exists. We live in a society where you have access to people’s ‘relationships’ at the click of a

button. And I say ‘relationships’ because as much as people may look happy and connected on

Snapchat or Instagram, no one knows what their relationship is really like. Even though deep

down you know that, you can feel excluded, or less worthy when ‘everyone’ seems to be in a

relationship but you. Truth is, a lot of people are Netflix and chilling with some Ben and Jerry’s

right now and that’s ok. You’re young; work on yourself, go out, find your passions, get close with

your family, make close friendships. If you’re a Christian, get close to God. This is a ‘selfish’ time,

selfish in the sense that you have no obligation towards anyone, so you can really work to be the

best version of yourself and then find a compatible boo.


Relationships are very important

This was the big realisation to me. As much as I am down for being the ‘strong, independent

woman’ relationships are very important. Learning how to love and appreciate people and

understand that ‘no man is an Island’ is vital. My main aversion towards relationships was

codependency. I love people, which is both a blessing and a bit crap sometimes, but I am very

against feeling that I have to be with someone in order to feel whole. This is the thing that I saw in

some relationships between people my age and older that made relationships seem like an

unnecessary hassle.


Additionally the effort and time that seemed to come with having a boyfriend did not appeal to me.

Overtime however I have realised that there are exceptions to my ‘vagina’s before boys that give

you angina’ rule. It is possible to have a relationship with a guy that is relatively angina free. And

also, everything worth having requires time and effort, so we can’t ignore or rush the process.

I think relationships are beautiful. When people who are compatible come together it is enough to

bring a tear to your eye. But as a young person as much as you may crave the ‘perfect

relationship’ understand that you don’t need someone else to make you whole. Your value

shouldn’t be based on how many people are sliding into your DMs or batting their eyelashes at

you. You’re a whole person with or without a bae.


We need to cultivate a culture that cares about wholesome relationships as opposed to

meaningless picturesque companions that get us a few likes on Instagram. I’m no expert but you

shouldn’t be in a relationship so people can envy you or so you feel important. You are important

on your own, your boyfriend or girlfriend wasn’t hanging about with you in the womb so you can

deal with chilling on your larry from time to time.


Relationships should be treated with care. You don’t have to be so desperate that you let anyone

enter your life. Value yourself enough to know that whoever you let be a big part of your life

should add value to you and not give you stress or make you feel bad. If marriage is your ultimate

goal pray about your future spouse, set standards for what you want from your relationships, and

work on yourself, set standards and goals for yourself. It’s not all about having a girl who can

cook, clean, give you a litter of children and provide good banter while she’s at it ­ what are you

planning to contribute to the relationship?


Like I said, relationships as a topic are not really my forte but I’m not anti­relationship at all.

Human connection is a magical thing, but there’s no rush to force it. Your social media doesn’t

have to be an advert for how great of a wife or husband you’d be, just have fun and chill out. One

day a bae will fly your way and you’ll thank me for all the rubbish you avoided while you Netflix

and chilled with Ben and Jerry’s instead of going bae­hunting.

Keep Smiling and Slaying